The Futile Quest for the Missing Puzzle Piece

“The problem is that we always look for the missing piece of the puzzle instead of finding a place for the one in our hand...”

-Alina Radoi

My process of vocational discernment over the course of the last two years has been like a giant jigsaw puzzle. I have written countless papers on my calling and vocational aspirations, which could probably all be summarized in just a few simple words:  I have absolutely no idea. For quite while, I was okay with the unknown. I was fine with not knowing the next step. I was trusting that God would show me the missing puzzle piece in due time. 

However, as the year has progressed, I have increasingly felt a lot of pressure to figure out "what I want to do for the rest of my life" Ha! You think I would have already learned that this is a never ending process. I was desperate to find that missing puzzle piece. I resolved that I must be drawn to Community Mental Health and started banking plans on pursuing a job through the County...for where I am at in life, it was the practical solution, the obvious answer in many ways.....so it must be the direction God is leading, right? 

Well, I have a way of running (or at least thinking) ahead of God. Let me explain....

 A few weeks ago, my consultation group talked about spiritual gifts. I took an online inventory of my spiritual gifts--quite frankly the answers did not surprise me. Our professor reminded us that each one of us is gifted uniquely; that God has given each of usunique gifts and he would use those gifts as we minister to our clients. I wondered just how God would fit my gifts together to minister in my helping profession. 

The week after this discussion a mentor and friend of mine approached me about partnering with her to co-lead a unique ministry opportunity. Her vision brought excitement and so so much joy to my soul. I was honored that she would approach me and was stoked at the vision she had! I felt alive.  Like truly and wholly ALIVE. Refreshed and energized in a new and exhilarating way. As we began talking she wrote something to me in an email, "I am so grateful for the way your gifts are such a compliment to my gifts! Oh the things God can accomplish with the two of us!". I immediately thought back to my professor's encouragement....


I hold two puzzle pieces in my hand: my passions and my gifts. These two puzzle pieces fit together perfectly last week. I had been searching for the missing piece all along, and the answer was in my hand all along. 

I have stopped striving to love God.

For years and years, I wanted to love God. I desperately wanted to love Him. I felt like I should love Him. I prayed so many prayers that I would fall in love with Him.

You see, I wanted to be a good Christian. Good Christians love God wholeheartedly, right? However, no matter how hard I tried, I never quite felt like I loved Him enough. I had good intentions, but was asking the wrong question.

My focus shifted. As a learned more about His grace, His love, His mercy, I recognized something really significant. I had failed to truly understand. I had focused so much of my energy on mustering all my strength to love God. Some days I felt like I succeeded, but many days I felt like a huge failure. There was no way I could love God enough--no way I, a mere human being, could love the holy, magnificent Creator with all the love He deserved.

The thing is, I don't think this is what God expects of us. For me, even though I had the best of intentions, I hadn't let myself internalize how much God loves me. Thank goodness, my worth is not based on how well I love God. I have recognized more and more that God DELIGHTS in loving me. He delights in loving me. And instead of striving to love God more, I realized it was more important to let God love ME. His love NEVER fails. He is with me always and loves me wholly, completely and unconditionally. When I stopped striving to love Him, the truth that He loves me unconditionally was remarkable life changing. His love never ends!

Friend, He loves you. Ask Him to show you how much He loves you today. Rest in His love.

I am...Abba's Beloved Child

“The experience of being the beloved child of the almighty, eternal, infinite Abba introduces a holy awe to the cry, ‘Abba, I belong to you.’ The great psychic enslavement of fear gradually recedes when confronted with the greatness of God’s love and compassion. Questions, speculations, and complaints at the absurdity of life, the random accidents and illnesses, the dark nights of the soul...and even the last rag we cling to… all seem inappropriate in the presence of infinite Goodness. Trust escalates not because God has offered proof, but because God has shown his face.” 
-Brennan Manning

Freedom through Refinement

God's Chisel: God's Original Masterpiece

 "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, 

which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them"

-Ephesians 2:10

Lend Me Your Hope

 "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, 

that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."- Romans 15:13

Lend me your hope for a while,

I seem to have mislaid mine.

Lost and hopeless feelings accompany me daily,

pain and confusion are my companions.

I know not where to turn.

Looking ahead to future times

does not bring forth images of renewed hope.

I see troubled times,

pain-filled days,

and more tragedy.

Lend me your hope for a while,

I seem to have mislaid mine.

Hold my hand and hug me;

listen to all my ramblings,

recovery seems so far distant.

The road to healing

seems like a long and lonely one.

Lend me your hope for a while,

I seem to have mislaid mine.

Stand by me,

offer me your presence,

your heart and your love.

Acknowledge my pain,

it is so real and ever present.

I am overwhelmed

with sad and conflicting thoughts.

Lend me your hope for a while.

A time will come when I will heal,

and I will share my renewal,

hope and love with others.

("Lend Me Your Hope," author unknown).

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ"

 (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).

There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

Chapter One. 

I walk down the street. 

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. 

I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. 

It still takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two. 

I walk down the same street. 

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. 

I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again.

 I can't believe I'm in the same place! But it isn't my fault. 

And it still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three. 

I walk down the same street. 

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. 

I see it there. I still fall in. It's a habit! 

My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. 

I get out immediately.

Chapter Four. 

I walk down the same street. 

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. 

I walk around it.

Chapter Five. 

I walk down a different street.

― Portia Nelson, There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

One Word for 2015: Listen

I must admit have a love/hate relationship with New Years Resolutions. 

I love the excitement that a New Year can bring. I love the sense of hope a New Year can bring. I love saying goodbye to the previous year and looking ahead to the next. However, I have found New Year Resolutions to be mostly discouraging. Let's be real. How many of us actually follow through with our lofty goals?

So, a few years ago I gave up.  No more grand aspirations for the new year. No more feelings of failure when the goal is forgotten. No more inspiring new year resolutions only to be forgotten come February.

However, this year I choose a simple word. I choose to embrace this word throughout the year and see what God will do. My word for 2015 is LISTEN.

Listen. 

I choose to slow down and listen to God speak to me. 

To deeply listen to His loving, tender, and powerful words 

And allow them to penetrate my soul.

Listen.

I choose to slow down and listen to my fragile heart.

To purposely listen to my emotions, my joys, and my fears

And allow them to transform my life.

Listen.

I choose to slow down and listen to His creation.

To attentively listen to the birds, the wind, and the trees

And allow them to quiet my mind.

Listen. 

I choose to slow down and listen to those around me. 

To intently listen to other's burdens, joys, and sorrows 

And allow them to enrich my compassion.

Listen. 

I choose to slow down and listen to God speak to me 

To acutely listen to messages of grace, freedom, and peace 

And allow Him to permeate my being.

Listen. 

I choose to slow down and listen.

Listen.